I really, REAALLY hate it when I'm angry..
everything is so ugly! everything is just not right. I begin to feel emotions I never want to feel and I start to say things I don't ever want to say. Whenever this comes up, I just have to be alone. Go away, everyone! You wouldn't want to mess with me at times like these. It's just so frustrating. Adrenaline seems to seep at me and I can't even control it at times.
There are certain things I have to do to appease this feeling:
1) I have to punch something, the harder the better.
2) I just have to be ALONE.
3) I've got to have pen and paper; and the last and the most embarassing condition of all is that
4) I have to cry it out.
Hehe. I can't help it! Everytime I'm angry, I start to cry and I hate it because I just want to be angry! When I cry, sure the anger fades but then it kind of shows just how weak I am because in the end, I can never be truly angry at a person even though I was the one hurt. In the end, I would have to say sorry because I feel that I must and in the end, I would be the one feeling guilty without me knowing why I even feel so. It's freaky, really. Being afraid of others not talking to me but that's just me. I can't change it but I guess I could, I just don't know how.
*sigh* All the anger has left me. Good bye.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Facing faked smiles have been what I am the worst at since long ago...
because that is not out of courtesy.
While they smile at me, its as if they are telling me...
to be aware of what I am...
Telling me that i am different from everyone else...
- so sad -
Disclaimer: i just found this written somewhere..
but i can relate to it pretty well..
Friday, August 20, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
in a state of not knowing what to feel
it's been a while
i have been reading other blogs and they seem to have some kind of goal in what to write in their blog...this kind of makes me think over what my reason for having a blog was...
-- t h i n k i n g --
hmn..to get my thoughts out?? or just something that came up because of peer pressure??
don't really get why i've got a blog. I don't even accumulate ideas that often that i'd have to write it down in here...hmn. Maybe i'll search for the meaning of my blog. Toodles.
- - blogsoul searching --
*small laugh*
i have been reading other blogs and they seem to have some kind of goal in what to write in their blog...this kind of makes me think over what my reason for having a blog was...
-- t h i n k i n g --
hmn..to get my thoughts out?? or just something that came up because of peer pressure??
don't really get why i've got a blog. I don't even accumulate ideas that often that i'd have to write it down in here...hmn. Maybe i'll search for the meaning of my blog. Toodles.
- - blogsoul searching --
*small laugh*
Friday, July 16, 2010
one test more to go! *fighting*
battered.. and exhausted...waaa! got no more brains.. haha
exams are such hazardous inventions of man... whew, good thing i was able to come over it but wait! there's still an exam tomorrow but naah, it's no biggy, just Physical Education. It'll be a piece of cake (i hope)
anyways, thanks for praying for me, and now, i can finally say...
VICTORY! HAHA *evil laugh*
:p
ciao!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
some tests down, some more to go
WHEW!
Victory is coming for me! hehe...
Well, prelims almost over but I'm still finding time to blog about it..talk about immense confidence. Haha. I was actually shocked because I thought that only few people would not be making their way into the school lab. Guess I was wrong..oh well.
:)) Please pray for me for the rest of the exams.
Thank you
ciao!
Victory is coming for me! hehe...
Well, prelims almost over but I'm still finding time to blog about it..talk about immense confidence. Haha. I was actually shocked because I thought that only few people would not be making their way into the school lab. Guess I was wrong..oh well.
:)) Please pray for me for the rest of the exams.
Thank you
ciao!
Monday, July 12, 2010
exams coming up!
Woah!
the very horrifying prelims are coming up tomorrow!
well, for me its horrifying but i don't know about the others..they seem so...so prepared. Waaa! What will become of me. I hope I can study enough to be able to answer the questions tomorrow. It's just the first test but its our major! Of all the tests, our major (Accountancy) will be #1 on the list. *sigh*
I can do this (i s'pose)
hehe
i should give it my all! wii!
~fighting!
:')
the very horrifying prelims are coming up tomorrow!
well, for me its horrifying but i don't know about the others..they seem so...so prepared. Waaa! What will become of me. I hope I can study enough to be able to answer the questions tomorrow. It's just the first test but its our major! Of all the tests, our major (Accountancy) will be #1 on the list. *sigh*
I can do this (i s'pose)
hehe
i should give it my all! wii!
~fighting!
:')
Friday, July 9, 2010
Watched Toy Story 3 yesterday with my cousins and all I can say is.........WOW. Well, I think there's a word more intense than that but I can't pinpoint it exactly.
The movie was great, funny, heartwrenching and very, very inspiring. You tend to feel the emotions of the characters in the movie. That feeling of being afraid, of being abandoned, betrayed, happy and you get to feel how true friendship really feels. (eh? was that the correct sentence?) Even for me who didn't have toys as a kid. Somehow, after watching the movie, I kind of felt envious towards Andy. Hehe. Although in real life, toys could never move but the thought that maybe there are some who would want you to be with them and yearn for your company...that thought is just so beautiful. :')
(sigh) Life...haha..can't explain it.
Monday, July 5, 2010
that undeniable fear and possibility of being alone
August 26, 2009
1:00 PM
[backstage, SVC Stage]
(sigh)
Honestly, I feel really, really empty right now. I don't know why but I've just thought to myself that being alone gets you to think things that don't usually come to mind when you're with friends. Hmm... Can't get it? Me too! Human emotions are so complicated it's futile to understand it... ><
Well, I'm writing because I haven't got anything to do. I can't gaze at the sky (w/c i usually do) because: 1. i'm indoors and, 2. there are human inventions (i.e tall buildings) blocking my view. Hehe.
As I'm sitting here, I realized that when you're with friends, you tend to think of things that are happy (i guess o_0??) But if you're alone, there's a big hole inside you that you end up thinking thoughts like, "why i am here?" It's weird! Really freaky!
When you're alone, you think more of yourself and the situation you're in. You tend to think of things normally thought of by people who isolate themselves from others.
waaaaaaaaa!!! i dunno...i need someone to talk to! ahaha,..but i am really grateful that i know how to write because i really love writing all my thoughts down!
till next time...ciao.. :)
1:00 PM
[backstage, SVC Stage]
(sigh)
Honestly, I feel really, really empty right now. I don't know why but I've just thought to myself that being alone gets you to think things that don't usually come to mind when you're with friends. Hmm... Can't get it? Me too! Human emotions are so complicated it's futile to understand it... ><
Well, I'm writing because I haven't got anything to do. I can't gaze at the sky (w/c i usually do) because: 1. i'm indoors and, 2. there are human inventions (i.e tall buildings) blocking my view. Hehe.
As I'm sitting here, I realized that when you're with friends, you tend to think of things that are happy (i guess o_0??) But if you're alone, there's a big hole inside you that you end up thinking thoughts like, "why i am here?" It's weird! Really freaky!
When you're alone, you think more of yourself and the situation you're in. You tend to think of things normally thought of by people who isolate themselves from others.
waaaaaaaaa!!! i dunno...i need someone to talk to! ahaha,..but i am really grateful that i know how to write because i really love writing all my thoughts down!
till next time...ciao.. :)
Thursday, July 1, 2010
happiness!
a blog ago i was talking about crushes right? hehe..well, just now, while walking towards home, i saw crush #1!! Nyahaha... Just looking at the outline of his back made me feel so light all of a sudden. Wiii! I don't know how he did that. Maybe his presence conjures some kind of magic for me. Haha.
I am obsessed. But no, i don't want to be obsessed! Okay maybe on the brink of obsession but eeew! To be obsessed is way out of sanity line. Haha.
But its nice. Hope I could walk behind him again.. :))
*smiles* ciao.
I am obsessed. But no, i don't want to be obsessed! Okay maybe on the brink of obsession but eeew! To be obsessed is way out of sanity line. Haha.
But its nice. Hope I could walk behind him again.. :))
*smiles* ciao.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
tada! hehe.. i'm here again and i am thinking of what i would like to write next..hmn. Maybe about crushes? haha...or maybe not? or maybe yes. I'll go for yes. (weirdo)
ehem2x..my first crushes were not human sad to say...they existed only in television and they had super power of some sort. Right, they were anime.. up until now I can't get over them. nyahaha..i just love watching them..getting always excited every series that is shown. It's weird sometimes. I would like to go into their world and just live there forever. But that was long ago..though I still watch them but I never dream of going into their world. Duhhh. As if?! Haha. Well, I also have my human crushes who are categorized into two: (1) celebrity crushes and (2) school crushes.
aaargh..what the heck! this is turning into a really boring write-up and I don't want it to be boring...waaaaaaaa! someone teach me...so not inspired today.. :((
totally and devastatedly expired! eh? is that the right term? Whatevah.
See ya when i see ya. Ciaaooo. o.O
ehem2x..my first crushes were not human sad to say...they existed only in television and they had super power of some sort. Right, they were anime.. up until now I can't get over them. nyahaha..i just love watching them..getting always excited every series that is shown. It's weird sometimes. I would like to go into their world and just live there forever. But that was long ago..though I still watch them but I never dream of going into their world. Duhhh. As if?! Haha. Well, I also have my human crushes who are categorized into two: (1) celebrity crushes and (2) school crushes.
aaargh..what the heck! this is turning into a really boring write-up and I don't want it to be boring...waaaaaaaa! someone teach me...so not inspired today.. :((
totally and devastatedly expired! eh? is that the right term? Whatevah.
See ya when i see ya. Ciaaooo. o.O
Thursday, June 24, 2010
firsts...
there's always a first for everything..
like absolutely everything...so, hmn..i'm saying this is my first time making or writing for a blog! *success* hehe. And since it's the first, it should be nice right? Right! So what should i talk about??? Err, write about? Hobbies? Dreams? There's such a vast array of choices. So hard to pick a topic. I'll pick dreams! (haha, that was easy)
So, my dream. What is my dream? Well, I've always wanted to go to outer space. Haha! Yeah, I really would love to go but I think it's reaallly impossible so I'll just be content with reading and watching about it. It's really nice to watch the milky way every night and try to identify some constellations. Sometimes or rather, I am always alone whenever I am stargazing. I've always thought if a time would come when there would be someone watching with me...nyahaha...i wonder who would that be? But if a person should ever come to my life, I'd want that I would be at ease with that person...like we could be quiet without a feeling of awkwardness and stuff...ya know what i mean..so that's it....maybe my dream would come true someday,..although not the part where I could go to outer space but to watch the night sky with someone special. That would be very, very nice... :))
How's that for starters? Well, I'm not really that good. I wonder if someone would be reading this. The heck?! It'll be total humiliation for me because....because...uhm I'm not that good in writing. Bwahaha.. Oh well, let's end this. Bang! Ciao..
like absolutely everything...so, hmn..i'm saying this is my first time making or writing for a blog! *success* hehe. And since it's the first, it should be nice right? Right! So what should i talk about??? Err, write about? Hobbies? Dreams? There's such a vast array of choices. So hard to pick a topic. I'll pick dreams! (haha, that was easy)
So, my dream. What is my dream? Well, I've always wanted to go to outer space. Haha! Yeah, I really would love to go but I think it's reaallly impossible so I'll just be content with reading and watching about it. It's really nice to watch the milky way every night and try to identify some constellations. Sometimes or rather, I am always alone whenever I am stargazing. I've always thought if a time would come when there would be someone watching with me...nyahaha...i wonder who would that be? But if a person should ever come to my life, I'd want that I would be at ease with that person...like we could be quiet without a feeling of awkwardness and stuff...ya know what i mean..so that's it....maybe my dream would come true someday,..although not the part where I could go to outer space but to watch the night sky with someone special. That would be very, very nice... :))
How's that for starters? Well, I'm not really that good. I wonder if someone would be reading this. The heck?! It'll be total humiliation for me because....because...uhm I'm not that good in writing. Bwahaha.. Oh well, let's end this. Bang! Ciao..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)